Sadness: It's A Thief In The Night
by OnlyMondler
Summary: The people around him didn't know. Only he did. It had gone too far, so far that he couldn't escape it. But is there only one way out?
1. Chapter 1

Monica walked into Joey and Chandler's apartment, a smile fixed firmly on her face. She and Richard just exchanged their first 'I love you's', and she couldn't be happier. But, when Ross and Rachel got the last condom it was short lived. So she decided to see if Chandler, had any. She looked around the apartment and he wasn't home. She called out for him, but nothing, there was nothing. She sighed and walked over to the kitchen counter where five notes rested on the counter. Each of them had one of her friend's names on them, all of them except Chandler's.

Monica picked up the note with her name on it, and read what was on the page.

 _Monica,_

 _It is a common misconception that depression is not a sickness. It's just something that you have to get over. That is like telling someone; "It's just cancer, get over it." And believe me I have tried, and it's too much. I can't go back I am already dead. I am dead even though I am breathing._

 _I was always the one who got hurt. And no one cared. They just acted as if since I was always hurt that I got used to it, or that it never hurt. But I was still human and it still hurt. It made me feel unappreciated, and maybe I was. Maybe nobody gave a damn because they had other people who were more important to them. I was the odd one that was always left out. It doesn't matter how many times you guys tell me that you need me, I won't believe it._

 _It's not like I didn't put myself in pain as well. I would fall in love with people I could never have. Including you, Mon. I really did love you. More than anyone. And it stung that you didn't love me back. I thought I would get over you. But you kept going on dates with these fantastic men and I felt so cheap. I knew that you would never feel the same way. I was hoping that maybe one day you would learn to love me, but then you went out with Richard and all of my hopes and dreams came crumbling down._

 _I loved you…_

It was a suicide note. He wrote it to say goodbye. Chandler… Her Chandler was going to commit suicide. She didn't understand why he didn't come talk to her. She thought he knew he could tell her anything.

"I have to find him." Monica whispered.

Monica grabbed Phoebe and Joey's notes just in case they were at the coffee house. She knew it might not be the best place to start but she had to give it a try. She bolted down the stairs of her apartment building, all thoughts of Richard at the back of her mind. Tears we flowing down her face she couldn't let him do this.

As she entered the coffee house she almost knocked over a waitress but she quickly brushed it off.

"Monica what's wrong?" Phoebe asked noticing her friend's distress. Monica didn't have time to explain so instead she just pulled out Phoebe's note and handed it to her.

Phoebe read the note very carefully:

 _Phoebe,_

 _I really don't know what to say but I'm sorry. You don't have to live with me for much longer I promise. I wish I was a better friend to you. But I wasn't._

 _I am sorry it has to end this way, it just got to be too much. But remember I will still be there when you have to break up with someone._

 _Chandler_

"Wait what does it say?" Joey asks.

"Joey-"Phoebe starts but Monica cuts her off.

"Here Joe." Monica hands him his note.

 _Joey,_

 _You know I love you Joe. But I just can't keep living like this. It hurts too much. I don't want to ruin your life. Please don't be sad over me. I leave you with everything I own, maybe you can sell it and get some money. I'm sorry…_

 _Chandler._

"I don't get it." Joey says.

Monica let out a frustrated breath. "Look I don't have time I have to go find Chandler." Monica said before she ran out of the coffee house. Monica started to walk away from the coffee house but stopped when she heard her name being called from behind her. She turned around quickly to see Phoebe and Joey running up behind her.

"Monica! We're coming with you; we have to find him together." Phoebe said.

"Ok," Monica agrees, but soon continues, "but we have to split up. I will check my building. Phoebe go check the Empire state building. Joey... you go with Phoebe."

"Got it and if you do find him," Phoebe started.

"Then I will talk to him." Monica said.

"What if we don't find him?" Joey asks.

"Look!" Monica suddenly shouts. "We don't have time, let's get moving!" She shouts and begins to run towards her apartment building. She almost knocked over three pedestrians while her haste, but she didn't have a care in the world. All she cared about was finding her best friend.

She reached her building and ran in after one of her neighbors. Where would I go if I wanted to kill myself? She asked herself.

"The roof." She whispered quietly. She heard giggling coming from the staircase but again she didn't care. She just bolted up the stairs and bumped right into Rachel.

"Whoa, Mon slow down." She said.

"Look Rach I don't have time I have to find Chandler." Monica said and started to walk away.

"Wait, Mon, do you have to find Chandler so bad?" Ross asks appearing behind Rachel.

"I just do, now please may I go?" Monica asked in annoyed tone. When she got no reply she started to run up the stairs again.

"Ross follow me." Rachel grabbed Ross' hand and began to follow Monica.

Monica burst open the roof door and quickly walked outside. She gasped when she saw Chandler sitting on the ledge; ready to jump. He looked over his shoulder slightly but soon looked back on his gaze over the city. Monica approached with caution, as her hand rested on her chest.

"Chandler," she whispered.

As she walked up to him she got a glimpse of his face. He was crying, silently. He looked so broken; this broke her heart.

"Chandler, what are you doing?" Monica asked him quietly.

"Doing what I have to do." He whispered.

"What do you have to do?" Ross asked from behind them.

Monica ignored Ross and Rachel behind her and kept her focus on Chandler.

"Honey, please." Monica begged.

Chandler let out a sharp breath into the crisp New York night. "No," He said quietly. "I have to do this." Suddenly Chandler closed his eyes and slowly began to slip off the edge.

"Chandler, no!" Monica screamed and quickly wrapped her arms around his waist before he could fall.

She gripped his waist firmly and pulled him back over the edge where her, Ross and Rachel were already in tears.

By this point Chandler's sobs have turned into agonizing wails. It broke his friend's hearts. He was curled up into a ball as Monica held onto him tightly. She'd lowered him to floor as he as he whispered the same sentence over and over again.

"I want to die."

There was nothing that Monica could do about it except rub his back soothingly as she whispered positive thoughts into his ear.

"It's gonna be ok, sweetie, it's gonna be ok." Monica whispered as she rocked him back and forth.

Ross and Rachel stared at the scene going on in front of them, neither knowing what to do or say. They just watched as Chandler broke down and Monica attempting to soothe him.

"Call Phoebe." Monica suddenly demanded. "Call Phoebe and tell her that we found him."

Chandler's body went limp as he drifted off into restless sleep. He collapsed against Monica, all of his weight falling against her.

"Ross, help me get him downstairs." Monica said looking up at her brother. Ross walked over to her with tears running down his face.

"Mon," he whispered kneeling in front of her. "He needs help, professional help."

Tears filled Monica's eyes as realized the trueness of Ross' statement. He would _need_ professional help.

Monica looked back down at Chandler's tear stained face. She hated that he was in so much pain. Hated that she cause part of his pain.

"It'll get better," she whispered as a tear rolled down her cheek. "I promise." The tear that had escaped her eye soon fell from her face and landed on his cheek. "I love you," Monica whispered and placed a kiss on his still damp cheek.

 _It's a thief in the night_

 _To come and grab you_

 _It can creep up inside you_

 _And consume you_

 _A disease of the mind_

 _It can control you_

 _It's too close for comfort_

 _(Disturbia, Rhianna)_

 _AN: Well what do you guys think, is it total crap? Should I continue it? Tell me in the reviews._


	2. Chapter 2

Ross leaned against Chandler and Joey's apartment door. The silence of the apartment was too silent for him. Although at the moment nothing seemed to matter.

Ross had never seen Chandler break down like that. He had never seen so much pain and sadness in someone's eyes in his entire life. He looked so broken, like his entire world had been shattered. Monica hadn't told him much other than he was so depressed that he didn't see the use to continue living.

In that exact same moment Monica walked out of Chandler's bedroom her face still tear strained. It took every ounce of energy she had to carry him downstairs and into his bedroom. But she knew that she couldn't give up because she knew it was a million times harder for Chandler.

"Mon," Ross said softly breaking the heavy silence that bestowed them. "We'll get him through this." Ross said confidently, but in a soft whisper.

Monica sighed and looked over to the kitchen counter where her note once laid and saw that Ross and Rachel's were still resting there. "Ross you need to read this," Monica said reaching over and handing him the note.

Ross shot a questionable look to his sister before taking the note out of her and. He unfolds the paper and begins to read.

 _Ross,_

 _I really don't know what to say. I know that I have been a crappy friend up until this point. No I will always be a crappy friend. I mean for the love of god I told Rachel that you were over the top in love with her. That all the proof you really need. But I promise that I won't be here much longer to screw your life over._

 _I guess I just really wanted to say that you were an amazing friend. But there's nothing I can do to meet the expectations that life has for me. Don't bother trying to save me from the darkness, it has already killed me. I will never be the man that you all used to know I'll be different. So why should I go on?_

 _Please don't be upset over this, I'm not worth it._

 _Chandler_

Ross knew that Chandler had low self-esteem, but he didn't realize that it was this bad. Chandler was basically implying that he was worthless, not worth the tears. But little did he know that his heart had been shattered at his friend's attempt at suicide.

Chandler was a better friend then he was making himself out to be. Even if he did cover up his true feelings with sarcasm he could be a very comforting person when he wanted to. Ross always went to him when he needed advice about things. But so did Joey, Phoebe, Monica and Rachel. It wasn't just the advice he was good at. In times of distress he would know the exact thing to say when you were down. And all of them appreciated him for that.

"I'm gonna stay here with Chandler." Monica said breaking Ross from his reverie. "Can you give this to Rachel?" Monica asked holding up the last note that was left on the counter. Ross nodded weakly and took the note from Monica's hand.

"Watch after him, he needs our help." Ross said weakly before walking out of the apartment.

Once in the hallway Ross looked out the small window at the end of the hallway and he could see the heavy raindrops on the window. _Perfect weather for the occasion,_ Ross thought bitterly.

[-]

Rachel paced apartment 20 as the previous events from that night played in her head. Monica's haste, Chandler's broken figure, his break down. It was so joyous before then. So normal. But their world had been flipped upside down.

She didn't understand. Chandler knew that he could talk to them. Or did he? He spent so much of his time trying to make his friends happy that he had forgotten about himself. He had said that night that he had to do 'what he needed to do'. What was he thinking? That it would make them happier if he left? That he though they didn't need him anymore? Rachel just didn't know.

Chandler has been known to bring himself down a lot. He would always make self- deprecating jokes. So of course naturally the gang played along. They didn't mean most things that they said, they were just joking around.

They all knew he was very sensitive. Even if he tried to cover it up, they had all seen him on the brink of tears. His dysfunctional childhood had left him with deep scars, so deep that no matter how many jokes he told, no amount of foundation would cover them up.

Rachel's head snapped up when she saw Ross walking into the apartment. Not knowing what to do she ran up to him and threw her arms around his neck and began to sob into his shoulder. Life just wasn't fair nothing about it was fair.

"Rach, I know that you don't want to do this right now, but you need to read this." Ross said handing Rachel the note.

 _Rachel,_

 _I hope you know that I love you. If you don't then I'm sorry I never told you before when I actually could._

 _I thought it would get easier. I thought that I would win the battle. But I lost, and I lost horribly. I've only known you for about a year and a half but I feel like it has been an eternity. You are one of the strongest people I know. You fought for your dream and you have it. I'm just sad I won't be there to watch you be strong._

 _Please don't be sad because I've left. I was a burden to you and you know it. So I beg of you just move on. Don't cry, don't mourn…just move on. Because I'm not worth the tears or the heartache. Just move on._

 _Chandler._

Rachel clamped her hand to her mouth as she finished the note. It killed her that he had used past tense. That he would already be dead by the time she found the note. "I'll be there to help you," Rachel whispered, unheard.

[-]

Monica glanced over at the clock on the wall of the boy's apartment that read: 5:30 AM. She'd checked on Chandler about an hour ago but was getting antsy again. She had tried too hard to get the image of Chandler slipping off the roof out of her head that she used it as excuse to check on him. But it was true, her best friend's attempt had been haunting her mind ever since it happened.

Monica looked up when she heard Chandler's door open. She was surprised when he stumbled out of his bedroom wearing a very pained expression.

"Help me," he whispered.

 _AN: Yea I know quick update but I was in a very, very bad mood. And here's a funny fact. I wrote the first chapter about three months ago. I had intended for it to be a one shot but it would involve me killing off Chandler and I don't know if I could handle that._


	3. Chapter 3

Joey watched the New York life around him as he walked down the bustling street of New York. His mind was fuzzy and his expression was vacant. He shut out the odd looks from the patrons around him and focused his thoughts on getting home.

When Rachel had called to tell him that they had found Chandler he had been relieved. Then Monica was put on the phone. She explained the whole situation to him and Phoebe. About how Monica had barely caught him, about how he kept saying he wanted to die.

Joey's thoughts went back to the note that Chandler had written to him. One line to him had shocked him to the very core. _But I just can't keep living like this_. He didn't know what that was supposed to mean. He thought that he was happy, although Chandler is a master at covering up his true feelings. His childhood had forced him to learn to lie about how he was feeling since, to him, nobody cared. Maybe it had something to do with his self-esteem?

If someone were to ask Joey to tell them one thing about Chandler it would most likely be low self-esteem. Joey knew that Chandler was amazing person, but trying to convince him would be like trying to convince The Hulk that he's not green. The self-deprecating were always endless. They were either about his personality, looks, luck with women and the worst the "fact" that he's gonna end up alone. It tired him trying to convince him that he was only human.

Sometimes the gang would even tease him about somethings that he's commented on. Joey remembered about a few months back, right after Carol and Susan's wedding, that he would be the last to get married. Of course none of them meant it, they we're just teasing him. But Joey knew that it would hurt him. He mentally slapped himself afterwards for bringing it up and still looking at him when he asked.

Of course that happened only months after Heckles died so he was already pretty self-conscious about the whole topic. That morning when Joey found him sitting in Heckles apartment he had even implied that him, the womanizer, would settle down before he did. It was true that the resemblance between Chandler and Heckles was uncanny. It had obviously scared Chandler more than it did him because after that he was trying to get dates left and right. He had gotten about two dates out of the twenty women he asked out. Both of them ending in a disaster.

Joey thought that Chandler just shrugged it off and moved on, but he didn't realize that it was just lighter fluid for his depression. Had his depression gone on for so long that the only way out was death? Had he kept quiet about the whole thing because he didn't want to be a burden? He didn't know. Joey had no clue.

He finally approached his apartment building when it started to rain over the New York sky. It wasn't just a drizzle it was a full blown rain storm. He walked into his apartment complex trying his best not to throw something or scream at the situation that he and his friends were now in. He didn't know whether to be angry or sad. He knew that he shouldn't be mad at Chandler, but how could he not. He had just kept in bottled up inside until he couldn't see clear anymore.

His apartment was unlocked so he without a thought walked in, not prepared for what he saw when he walked in.

That when he knew not to be angry.

[-]

Phoebe sat in her apartment staring at the wall. Her world had been normal less than twenty four hours ago, but now it was crumbling down.

She had very different relationships with the boys within the gang. Joey was the cute one who she exchanged playful flirtatious jokes with. Ross was the older brother that she would tease. And Chandler was the younger brother who she had fun with. But all of them had one very crucial thing in common. She loved all of them deeply. That's why when she read Chandler suicide note a part of her died inside.

 _You don't have to live with me._ Is that what he thought she did? Just live with him? She may not have expressed it very well but she loved him. Every part of him. Sure she may have teased him a lot but that didn't mean that she hated him.

When Rachel had called to tell her that they had found him a weight had been lifted off of her chest. But then again he still tried to kill himself and nothing was gonna change that. Rachel explained that they found him on the ledge of the roof ready to jump. And he almost had. If Monica hadn't been there then he would have jumped and may not be living at that very moment.

Rachel explained that he looked broken, so broken that it was painful to look at. His broken figure was enough to scare a stranger, apparently. She's seen depressed people in her lifetime but nobody the way that Rachel was describing him.

Phoebe had practically sped to the empire state building. Even if Chandler was there nothing was going to stop her from murdering someone in order to find him. People had yelled, people had gestured, but it didn't faze her. It didn't even faze Joey who was sitting in the passenger seat of her grandmother's cab.

Her "younger brother" wanted to kill himself and she didn't know why. Why didn't he talk to them? Why? Did he hate himself? Did he hate them?

She was so confused.

[-]

Chandler had fallen asleep in Monica's arms after admitting to needing help. His head was in her lap and she sat on the rugged old couch in the boy's apartment. He was so fragile at the moment that she really didn't know what to say to him. Especially after his confession in his letter to her. The confession that he was so over the top in love with her that he couldn't live with it.

Of course she'd been shocked, why wouldn't she? Had she been the reason for his failed suicide attempt? If so then why didn't he just tell her, get it out in the open? Was it so embarrassing that he couldn't talk to her about it?

He was always embarrassed about his love life, though. So much so that it got to the point of him never telling them when he had date. But Monica could tell when he had dates and when he didn't. He would usually go out around seven and be out until eleven when he got home all sulky. Even though he lied when Monica asked him it, she could see right through him.

It always pained her to see him in any sort of pain. Physical or emotional. But on the roof that night she felt as if her heart was gonna rip out of her chest and cling to him like silly putty to carpet. His slumped figure, his pain filled eyes made her heart go out to him.

There's a saying that you learn something new about a person every day. Monica was suddenly very fond of that sentence.

She always thought she could tell when he was in distress. But she had no clue that this was how he was feeling. He was a master at covering it up too. Up until the moment that she read his note she never would have guessed that he felt worthless or unwanted.

The bigger question for Monica at the moment though was; how long had he felt like this?

Sure he had a road when Heckles died, but the gang hadn't really paid much attention to it. Monica thought that it had all been a joke that he was carrying out longer than needed. But when he came over to her apartment that day and said that he was going to be the "crazy man with all the snakes" she began to realize that he was serious about it. And she's had a separate conversation to him about it. But maybe it was the reason.

It could also be related to the incident after the lesbian wedding. The incident in which everyone turned to him and implied that he would be the last to get married. They all knew that it was very difficult topic for him and yet they still looked at him. He could have thought that it was true even before they brought it up.

Monica knew that none of it was true. She knew that all she needed was the right woman to love him for who he is and for what he's not. He need someone who would accept all of quirks and imperfections. But what if _she_ was that girl? She fit the description. Someone who loves him for everything is, check. And what he's not, check. To accept quirks and imperfections, check.

Holy crap.

She was his forever girl. But could she possibly be able to complete him? Could she make him realize that he could still have a life? Possibly but she didn't love him, she loved Richard. Or did she?

Richard was a great person, sure. But she wasn't quite sure if she saw a life with him.

Chandler, also a great person. But she didn't quite know if he was what she was looking for. He was cute, that was no brainer. He was nice. He understood what it was like to have parents who don't necessarily love you like they should.

Why did everything have to be so complicated?

[-]

Pain.

That's all he felt. That's all he's ever really felt. Pain.

He'd always been taught that the way to numb your pain was self-harm or death. Although that very night he had said goodbye to his old self and invited in a new one. A darker one. He had said goodbye to the old Chandler and replaced it with a darker one that wouldn't let anyone get to know him. That's why in all of his letters he couldn't live any longer.

He was tired. He couldn't stand being tired anymore. After months and months of trying to escape it, he had just given up. They pain in his heart had been too heavy to carry the weight anymore.

Failure.

He felt like he had failed not only himself but everyone around him. Everyone was either going on dates, getting dates or falling in love. While he was stuck at home every night feeling like a failure.

Part of it was linked to the fact that he was going to die alone like Mr. Heckles did, but then part of it was linked to the part where Monica had fallen in love, but not with him.

The uncanny resemblance between him and Heckles was oddly scary. Breaking up with girls because of odd habits, trying so hard to be funny, or the worst fact that; Heckles used to have friends, but as far as he knew all of them moved on and got married.

He had done everything in his power to get dates after that. But it was rejection after rejection, or yea your friend Joey is cute. That's what killed him.

Nobody wanted to even try to love him. He was an outsider, someone that was there but nobody noticed. Not even his own friends had noticed. His attitude, to him at least, had changed dramatically over the past few months. His jokes were meaner than before. He spent more time at the office without even telling them.

The repercussions made the sting of rejection hurt even more. Joey began to hang out with Ross more. Monica and Rachel had become closer than ever. And Phoebe still hated him. All this happened while he was being stupid and blocking them all out.

The events leading up to the scene on the roof were possibly the most painful hours of his life. He'd spent hours in his bathroom staring at the bottle sleeping pills that he got a few years ago for insomnia. The silent tears freely running down his face as he contemplated death. But he had soon rejected that being the way that he died and walked out to find a note pad. Each of his friend's notes had been heart felt and genuine. He thought they wouldn't miss him so he left out the fact that he would miss them.

Monica's note had been the hardest of his friends to write about, but he also wrote notes to his parents. He was going to have his friends give it to them at his funeral so he wrote in past tense.

 _Mom,_

 _This wasn't your fault. So please just forget about my childhood. Just pretend that you never had me. Pretend that I was never your son, just forget me. I let you down, it wasn't the other way around. I should have tried harder._

 _I know that you loved me, but don't lie. I was one of those people that others would try to reassure. No one ever loved me, ever. If you did at one point then you don't anymore. I'm a letdown, a mistake. So please just forget me. And don't bother visiting my grave I wasn't worth it._

 _Chandler._

His Dad's note hadn't been much different.

 _Dad,_

 _I'm so sorry. I hope you know that I am. I never meant for it to end like that. I never wanted it to end like that._

 _I wish that I got to be closer to you. You made a life style choice and I should have accepted you for it. It's not like you wanted for me to get hurt. Right? I may have been a teenager but you were still my dad and I should have gotten to know you._

 _I told this to Mom and I'm gonna tell you the same thing. Don't visit my grave, I'm not worth your time or you money to fly out here. So please just forget that you ever had a son, and just forget that I was ever around to make you feel foolish._

 _Chandler._

He realized now that his friends loved him. He just was too dumb to realize it. All of his friends loved him. He would be dead if it weren't for them.

This was going to end, and it was going to end now.

 _When you try your best, but you don't succeed  
When you get what you want, but not what you need  
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep  
Stuck in reverse  
And the tears come streaming down your face  
When you lose something you can't replace  
When you love someone, but it goes to waste  
Could it be worse?_

 _(Fix You, Coldplay)_

 _AN: So I totally forgot that Joey was living by himself during this time period. So let's pretend that he does live with him. Thank you so much for all of your kind reviews, they really make my day! TBC…_


	4. Chapter 4

The gang, minus Chandler, sat in silence in Chandler and Joey's apartment. The tension in the air was hanging so heavy over everyone's head. Everybody's thoughts were racing with questions, guilt and confusion. But the worst part was everyone now look at Chandler differently. The look of hurt, slight anger, and sadness filled their eyes as Chandler slowly came out of his room.

Everyone's emotions were all messed up. When he wasn't around they wanted to be angry, but when he was around they were all sad at how distressed and distant he had suddenly become.

Chandler wet his lips, crossed his arms and looked down so he looked at his feet. The silence reminding him so much of how empty he felt. "Will one of you please say something?" He asked finally as he looked up.

All of his friends had shifted their attention from the carpet to him. Their tortures thoughts coming to a stop.

Chandler look at all of them pleadingly, begging to know what they were all thinking. His heart was hammering in his chest, scared that they would decide that being his friend would be too hard. If that were the case then he would be deeper than rock bottom.

Phoebe was the first to talk, her voice shaky. "What did we do?"

Had they seriously thought it was something they'd done? Sure a few questionable events had happened over the past few months, but it was him who had overanalyzed it.

"What makes you think it was your guy's fault?" He asked as the still painful memories flooded back into his mind.

"How about the fact that we didn't notice that you were hurting? The fact that we were so oblivious to your pain that we couldn't even hear you silent plea for help?" Rachel asked loudly as she quickly stood from her stool at the counter. Chandler straightened his shoulders, almost defensively as his defense mechanisms were suddenly working.

"I deserved every ounce of pain I got, and I knew that." He said, anguish written all over his face. Rachel's face softened slightly as he continued. "I have done so many stupid things over the past few months. Me coming up with that stupid list idea. Telling Rachel about Ross. Bashing Joey about that friendship bracelet... And so many other things that I know you guy's will hold over my head for the rest of my life."

"Chandler-"Monica tried by Chandler shook his head 'no' obviously not finished.

"You guys have every right to mad, so if you want to stop being my friends tell me now and spare me the heart ache." Tears welled in his eyes as he nervously awaited their answers.

His friends looked at him in shock. Had he really assumed that they would abandon him when he needed them most?

Nobody said anything and Chandler looked down saddened that he just lost his friends. "Right, I get it. I'll just um go." Chandler said sadly as he started to walk into his room.

"Chandler wait!" Joey called after him.

He stopped dead in his tracks, his back facing them, a tear quickly slipping down his face.

"What makes you think we want to stop being your friend?" Joey asked and approached him. He was very worried that suddenly he was losing one of his friends. One of his best friends.

Chandler turned around slowly and tried his hardest to keep his cool. Although what was the point. "Because you guys resent me, I can tell." He nodded and tried a small smile.

Joey took a step back, as he was taken aback at what Chandler just said. Did he feel resentment towards him? No of course not but then again he wasn't exactly himself at the moment.

"Chandler, we don't resent you. Why would you even say that?" Phoebe asked interjecting herself into the conversation. He just shrugged and looked down not daring to say the reason behind all of this. "Do you really think that little of yourself?"

"Yes!" Chandler snapped. "I know you guys mean well but you don't have any clue about any of this. Phoebe I understand that your childhood wasn't that great. But you guys are acting like because my family had a whole bunch of money that my family problems didn't affect me at all!" Finally the reason, they all thought. "Now I know what you're all thinking. _Aw, poor Chandler, the little rich boy, having problems with the family._ No, ok?!" All of Chandler's bottled up feelings had come bursting out in that very moment.

"I always wanted a normal family. You know parents who loved each other, a sibling. But I never got any of that and there was a point in my childhood where I didn't give a damn. My mom had gotten remarried and it only got worse…" Chandler stopped abruptly and his friends were starting to connect the dots.

"My stepfather was abusive. Not only to me but to my mom. One day I came in middle school when I got home late from the school play rehearsals he was in my room with a belt. He said that if I couldn't come home on time then I shouldn't come home at all." By this point he had moved to lean against the wall next to his bedroom wall his face drying from the previous onslaught of tears. "So the next day I had rehearsals and I decided to just not go home. I had made it to Manhattan at like two AM, only to come to the realization that I couldn't live on the streets when I knew that someone would look for me and eventually find me. I had been mugged on the way home, pretty badly too. I remember that they took everything my bag my coat, and it was cold."

Monica couldn't help but wonder why she had never heard any of this before. It obviously played a major part in Chandler's life so why didn't they know.

"Although when I began to walk back home I didn't go home I went to school because by the time I reached home school would have started. I had signed in late with nothing but the excuse of waking up late. I had tried to tell my teachers that I lost my backpack but I ended up getting F's on all of the test I didn't even take that day. I arrived home utterly exhausted. My Mom had been worried sick, apparently, and called the police. But my step Dad, told this to my face by the way, said I was worthless piece of crap. He also said that nobody could ever love anyone like me, that I was just going to end up a slave."

"And I guess it's true. I hurt you guys. I hurt the people who love me, so I guess he was right when he said that nobody could love me." Chandler whispered as he closed his eyes and let what he just said sink in to the others.

"What happened in the past few months that triggered these past feelings?" Ross asked after a few minutes of silence.

"Mostly Heckles death, but a small part of it had something to do with what happened after the lesbian wedding." Chandler said and everybody was brought a pang of guilt for causing him that kind of emotional turmoil.

"Why didn't you talk to us?" Rachel asked softly.

Chandler inhaled deeply as he tried to think of a reason, but there wasn't one. "This was more of an internal problem. I thought I could fight it off but I couldn't."

A heavy silence hung over the room nobody knowing what to say or what to do.

"Do you really love me?" Monica blurted causing everyone to look at her.

 _Don't know what it's all about_  
 _But every time I look around_  
 _All I see is how we're holdin' on_  
 _Don't ask me what's wrong or right_  
 _I don't even know the time_  
 _All I know is I'm holdin' on_

 _(City Dove, Tori Kelly)_

 _AN: Don't worry I'm working on the next chapter for Destiny, it will probably be up tomorrow or Friday. As for the story, I can't tell you how scarred I was about how this story was going to be received. I originally wrote it back when I was still writing Before We're Ready, any of you remember that? But I was too scared to post it. But after your reactions I'm glad I finally did. This isn't the end… Tbc. (Sorry for rambling Btw)_


	5. Chapter 5

_AN: So most of this chapter is what this story used to be. It's in the form of a dream so I hope you enjoy it. Although some of you might want to kill me after reading this. No hate please. Anyway part of the dream is taken from a scene from Grey's Anatomy and I would just like to say that I own noting from that. And if you watch Grey's Anatomy then you will feel my pain._

 _~Liv_

He had tried to lay her down easy. But instead he got a very long silence and a very angry Monica. Of course he hadn't expected it, but she had every right to be pissed. She was in love with Richard, and he probably walked all over her relationship with him. He wanted to scream, cry, and throw something all at the same time. All because of the word she had said right before she slammed the door of his apartment.

 _"Stay away from me until you figure yourself out!"_

He knew she didn't mean it but she was only trying to protect herself from harm. He screwed her life over in less than twenty four hours and now he told her that he was in love with her. That's not right.

His other four friends had been incredibly supportive, including Ross. They all took pity on his and told him that she would come around. But Joey needed convincing. He had been halfway to the door, prepared to go over and yell at Monica for yelling at him, but Chandler pleaded with him and told him to stop before he did anything he would regret.

Ross said he would try to convince Monica to sit down and talk with him while Rachel, Phoebe and Joey all agreed to stay by Chandler's side at all times. Chandler knew that they just wanted to protect him so he didn't say anything. Besides he had spent the past few months feeling alone its high time he had someone to talk to.

"Hey, Rach, can I ask you something?" Chandler asked sitting down next to her on the couch in his apartment.

"Of course," she replied setting down her magazine that she was pretending to read.

"Are you mad at me?" Rachel gave him a confused look so he decided to continue. "Because earlier you seemed pissed off at me," Rachel was hit with waves of guilt as he tried to explain his complicated thoughts. "I can understand why you would be but are ever gonna forgive me, or is this what our friendship is going to be like now?"

Rachel comfortingly touched his leg as she felt ever so guilty for making him doubt their friendship. "Chandler, I am mad at you," he looked as if he had just been lied to as she now tried to explain herself. "I'm mad at you for not realizing how amazing you are. You're a handsome, charming, smart man, Chandler. When you told me in your letter that you weren't worth the tears or the heart ache I was gutted. You are worth that Chandler, I would miss you horribly."

"No you wouldn't," Chandler said as-a-matter-of-factually.

"Yes, I would. Look I don't really believe in the afterlife, but last night when if you actually had died, Ii would do anything just to see you again. Just to hear your voice, just to see your beautiful smile. I would do anything, Chandler, because I love you." Rachel said as tears freely fell down her face.

Chandler's arms brought her into a comforting embrace, and he kissed the top of her head. "I'm here, and I will be for a long time."

Rachel looked up at him as tears shone in her eyes.

Phoebe and Joey who had been standing at the kitchen counter biting their nails over Chandler's safety. Both of them worried that he may try to kill himself again, or that he might run away and never come back. Both valid reasons considering the situation.

Joey had never been so mad at Monica. He truly thought that she cared about him. Her insensitive words had made anger boil inside of. She may have been thrown a curve ball but that doesn't mean that she can shut him out completely. What she needed to do was shut out her feelings, for the moment, and when Chandler gets back on his feet they could talk things over.

[-]

Why had she yelled? What good was that gonna do? It might just hurt him even more.

Now here she was guiltier than ever and Ross was giving her the what-in-the-world-were-you-thinking, talk. But the sad thing everything he was saying was true. She was being insensitive; he needed her to be his friend right now.

"Mon, we need to damage control. This isn't like my situation with Rachel. He just failed at suicide he needs his friends right now, he doesn't need his love life to be a problem right now!" Ross yelled and paced in front of the TV set.

"You don't think I know that!" She yelled back. "Look I wasn't thinking, I didn't know how to react!"

"So yelling at him was the best option?!" Ross argued.

"No! It wasn't and I know that! But maybe we wouldn't be in this position if he had just trusted us!" Her nerves were frayed and she was overly tired.

Ross softened. He wasn't a doctor of medicine but he did know that when people become depressed they shut people as a way to protect themselves. They are convinced that everyone is out to hurt them so they become introverted.

"Mon, you can't blame him," he said calmly. "He was scared, he didn't know what to do. So it's our job now to help him. He needs all of us, but he need _you_ the most. _"_ He said softly. Monica looked down at her feet and nodded her head 'yes'.

"Ross?" She asked looking up to make eye contact with him. "Do you think he was serious?"

"As much as the idea of you two being a couple freaks me out, yes I think he was serious."

She sighed and made her way to the couch and plopped down onto it.

"Can you give me some time?" She asked her mind distant. "I need to think." Ross nodded and quietly slipped out of the apartment.

She wasn't thinking, though. She needed sleep. Going thirty six hours without sleep wasn't healthy.

But neither we're her dreams.

[-]

 _"I have to do this." Suddenly Chandler closed his eyes and slowly began to slip off the edge._

 _"Chandler, no!" Monica screamed and quickly tried to grab onto him. She was able to get the collar of his shirt. But it slipped freely out of her hand. "No!" She screamed as he hit the ground beneath her._

 _Like a bullet she bolted to the stairwell. Not even paying attention to Ross and Rachel in the process._

 _She passed three of her neighbors in the hall, but she didn't have a care in the world._

 _Ross had said something about calling an ambulance, which she was thankful he had taken charge of._

 _There had been a gathering around him when she reached the ground floor. But somehow she managed to push her way past the crowd. Her eyes filled with tears as she caught a glance of him. He was so still, he was never still. Even when he was sleeping he wasn't still._

 _She knelt down beside him and took him onto her arms, cradling him like a child. Her fingers brushed through his hair as sirens could be heard in the distance. His face was peaceful, she didn't want him to look that peaceful._

 _The paramedics arrived minutes later and took pity on her as they frantically worked on the patient. He still had a pulse, but he wouldn't for long if they didn't get him to hospital quickly._

 _[-]_

 _The gang had waited for hours as the doctors were working on him, trying to save his life. His mother and father had been called and were on their way, but his shell shocked friends all sat in silence as the wait was growing longer and longer._

 _"Anybody here for Chandler Bing?" A doctor asked the waiting room. The five friends had jumped to their feet. "Well I guess you have answered my question." The doctor laughed uneasily._

 _"Please just tell us if he's ok." Monica insisted her body trembling._

 _"The damage to Mr. Bing's brain was excessive." The doctor explained and looked down. "We tried everything to stop the bleeding, but there was too much blood loss."_

 _"So what does that mean?" Joey asked shakily._

 _"That means that your friend is brain dead, there's nothing we can do to wake him up. He's on a ventilator he's still breathing, but he'll never wake up." The doctor looked at the young group of friends and took pity on all of them. His patient was so young, he didn't deserve this. "Now I need to talk to Monica Geller, is she one of you?"_

 _"I am," Monica said tears running freely down her face._

 _"Follow me," her and the doctor walked to the end of the long hallway so that her other friends wouldn't listen into the conversation._

 _"Mr. Bing put you down as his emergency contact," the doctor explained. "So when you say pull the plug, we'll pull the plug"_

 _"So you're basically that when I'm ready to kill my friend, you're gonna kill him?" Monica asked irritated with the doctor's choice of words._

 _"Ms. Geller, he's already dead. The only thing that is keeping him alive is a machine. There's no life left in him." The doctor explained gently. Monica heart sunk. He was right when he said he was already dead, in his letter to her._

 _Phoebe was the first to go in. She said it would be too hard to let him go if she waited. But she was not prepared for what she saw when she walked in. His gaunt appearance had shocked her when she walked in._

 _She sat down in a chair next to his bed and placed a hand on his chest as she watched it rise and fall._

 _"Chandler," she whispered forcefully. "You listen to me Bing, you mean so much to me. I'm sorry if I never said that before but I do. I love you. If I knew yesterday this what would be your future I would have never let you go. I would kill to see your beautiful blue eyes, your smile. Hell, I'd kill just to hear you say my name." Phoebe laughed tearfully and brought her knuckles to brush against his cheek. "I love you," she whispered and rose from her seat. She placed a soft kiss on his forehead and walked out of his room taking one last glance at her best friend._

 _Ross reluctantly went next. After seeing Phoebe walking back into the waiting room none of them were prepared._

 _Not knowing what to do, he just sat down in the chair next to his bed. "Dude, I'm so sorry. I don't believe in Phoebe's afterlife crap. But now I want nothing more than to believe that you will be there. At our weddings, every time we hang out at the coffee house." Ross said his voice cracking at the end of each sentence. "I love you man," he finished and squeezed his hand one last time before he exited the room._

 _While Ross was in his room Nora and Charles had arrived and Monica explained the situation to them. Both of Chandler's parents went in together to properly say goodbye._

 _"Chandler, I love you so, so much." Nora said taking his hand in hers. She looked at Charles who was in tears with her. "And your father loves you so much." Nora slid her hand up and down his arm. "Please forgive me Chandler, forgive me for being a terrible mother." Charles wrapped his arm around her as she spoke to his son. "You are so forgiving so I'm begging of you to forgive me now. I love you," she whispered and kissed the top of his head._

 _"I was basically gonna say the same thing your Mom said. So I guess all I can say is I'm sorry and I love you." Charles said took his son's hand in his. "This is the last time I'm ever going to have contact with you isn't it? You're gonna be ok, Chandler."_

 _Rachel was next. She was dying inside at the sight of one of her best friends lying there. "Chandler, you are amazing. I need you to know that. If I could change one thing, I would tell you thank you. You told me about Ross, and it's the best thing that has ever happened to me. I hope you're in a good place, where you're not in pain." Rachel said and placed her hand on his cheek. "Goodbye Chandler, I love you."_

 _She stood and saw Joey standing the doorway to his room. She gestured for him to go in and he did. But he wasn't ready._

 _"You're too young, Chandler, why did you want to do this? We're gonna be so lost without you. I'm gonna be so lost without you." Joey looked at the tube sticking down Chandler's throat, the tube that was keeping him alive. "I believe in miracles, but I guess there isn't gonna be one." Joey swallowed the lump in his throat and made his final goodbye. "I'll never stop missing you, goodbye Chandler."_

 _Joey walked over to the door and made his final declaration before walking out. "I love you."_

 _Monica saw Joey walking back into the waiting room and everybody turned to her. It was her time. It was time to say goodbye._

 _She rose from her seat and walked over to the doctor who was sitting behind a desk just outside of Chandler's room._

 _"Doctor," She said, her eyes shining with tears. "I'm ready." The doctor nodded and followed her into the room._

 _He stood next to the machine ready to turn it off. "Wait," Monica stopped him._

 _"Ms. Geller-"_

 _"Just wait," she said sharply._

 _"Chandler," she whispered sharply, hoping for some sort of medical miracle. She glanced up to the heart monitor to make sure that he was still breathing. "Chandler," she whispered again and the memories that flooded her mind made tears begin to fall faster than ever._

 _The promise that he made her at Ben's birth, his comforting words after Phoebe moved out. Just he in general made her heart ache that he was technically still in pain. "Chandler," she whispered one last time and ran her fingers over his cheek. "It's ok, you go," she said and her hand went to run through his hair, one last time. "You will be fine," she finished and looked up at the doctor who was still standing by the machine._

 _"You ready?" He asked as she placed his on his chest._

 _"No," she whispered, "but go ahead."_

 _The doctor nodded and turned off the machine. Then gently pulled the tube out his throat. Monica took a deep breath in as Chandler let out his final breath out. His chest fell as the breath escaped him as did her hand that was resting on his chest, and never rose back up again. The heart monitor made a heart wrenching noise as it alarmed, notifying the doctors that Chandler had flat lined. The doctor calmly turned off the machine and looked at her with pity._

 _Monica hung her head as she looked at her best friend. He meant so much to her. And now he was gone, just a past memory now. "I love you, too, Chandler." She whispered and slid into the bed next to his body. She rested her head on his chest and sobbed uncontrollably._

 _[-]_

Monica jolted back into conciseness, her eyes welling with tears. Was that supposed to an alternate reality? Was that what would have happened if he had jumped?

She ran out of her apartment and into his the need to see him and talk to him was very high.

Chandler had been sitting on the couch with Rachel, talking about how much their friendship meant to them, when Monica came rushing in.

"Oh thank god, Chandler!" Monica exclaimed and ran over to him frantically pulled him into a hug. "I thought you were dead!" She cried into his shoulder.

"Guys can you?" Chandler asked the rest of his friends. They all nodded and left the apartment silently.

Chandler look at Monica, who was crying in his arms and guilt overcame him.

"I had a dream where I didn't catch you, you fell. The doctors tried but they couldn't save you," she said in a small voice. "Then we all had to say goodbye to you, it was the most painful thing in the world."

He could only imagine what he must have put her through. He didn't want her or any of his friends to feel like this.

"You will never leave us, ever." She said sternly and pulled away to look him directly in the eye. "If you are feeling down, then you talk to me. If you need to vent to someone, come talk to me. But don't ever, _ever,_ try to commit suicide again. Do you hear me Chandler Bing?" She asked sternly.

"I hear you." He replied with a nod and kissed the top of her forehead.

"Good because I love you, too."

TBC…


	6. Chapter 6

Monica approached Richard's full of confidence. She did not love him. She thought she did but that was before she realized that she loved Chandler. Sure it would be a while before they could actually start dating, but she would be willing to wait if it meant being with the person she loved.

This was going to hurt Richard and she knew that, but she had to do it quick before he got hit harder than he had to. She needed to lay him down gently, just like Chandler had done with her.

Richard was a great guy, but every bone in her was screaming that he was not right for her. Even if they did last, how long would they be together? She was so much younger than he was? By the time she would be 50 he would be like, what, 80 or 90 But it was only small reasons like that she could not stay with him.

"Monica," Richard said, surprised once he opened the door. "What are you doing here? I have not heard from you in like two days."

Monica shrugged meekly. "I just need to talk to you," she said and brushed passed him, walking into the apartment.

Richard closed the door behind her and turned around confused. "I have not heard from you in like forty-eight hours, what is going on?" He asked, confused and slightly concerned.

"Chandler tried to commit suicide," she said in a brittle tone. It was a confession that made the situation real. Nobody outside the friend group knew, but now he did.

"What?" Richard laughed slightly. He thought she had been joking but when he saw the look in his girlfriend's eye he quickly changed his demeanor. "But he was just fine the last time I saw him," Richard stated.

"Looks can be deceiving," she replied, her voice thick.

"What do you need me to do? What do you need help with?" Richard asked flatly, not liking how upset Monica was about the whole thing.

"You need to stop loving me." She said simply.

Richard jaw went slack and his pupils dilated. Stop loving me? He thought. "Mon, what do you mean stop loving me?" He asked timidly.

"Look, Richard, when I saw Chandler almost fall to his death I realized that I don't care if you are the most perfect guy in the world," Monica explained and Richard's face fell. "I will spend the rest of my life, loving and protecting Chandler. So please, if you love me, let me go."

In that very moment Richard felt nothing but anger towards Chandler. "He took you away from me," Richard whispered angrily.

"Richard, please," Monica begged as she felt the anger coming from him in waves.

He took a step towards her, his anger violently burning inside of me. "Did you lie to me when you said you loved me?" Richard asked and he could see the fear in her eyes.

"No," she whispered. "But that was before I knew what true love was."

Richard let out a deep sigh. "What is true love to you, Monica?" He asked menacingly.

"Sacrifice," she replied. "I am going to sacrifice myself to him. Do whatever it takes. Now if you love me, you are going to sacrifice your for me."

"Do not pull that crap on me, Monica," Richard said harshly.

"What crap?!" She yelled. "Who do you take me for?!"

"You're mine and if he thinks of taking you away from me then he's in for a world of pain. I claimed you as mine, and I'm not taking you back." Richard whispered huskily and pulled Monica roughly to him. He attempted to try to kiss her but she resisted.

"Oh come on, baby, don't resist this," he whispered as he tried to kiss her once more.

"Richard, no!" She yelled and pushed him away from her. By now tears were streaming down her face. "For the last time I don't love you! Now please stay out of my life!" She screamed at him and bolted from the apartment, slamming the door behind her.

 _Acceptance is the key to be  
To be truly free  
Will you do the same for me?_

[-]

Raid drops fell hard against the window as Nora gazed over the view of New York City from the window of her penthouse. Her book tour was a major success so she decided to take a pit stop in New York to see her one and only son. The last time she had seen him was right after the 'Ross Incident'. But he had called her out on everything. She had it coming but something sacred her. He never once brought up his step-father.

His name was Daniel. Daniel Morrison. He had demanded a lot out of Nora and Chandler. Not only did he have them change their last names to Morrison but he had demanded that they never leave the house without a body-guard. So of course she agreed.

She thought everything was fine. Until Chandler started to beg and plead to stay with his father in Las Vegas. His estranged father had always been somewhat estranged, but her son's sudden attachment to his father worried her.

The night that Chandler never came home was possibly one of the worst nights of her life. He was 12 then, he was only in the sixth grade.

She had called the school, the police, basically anybody she knew who might know where he was. Daniel was telling her to let him run, but she needed to find him. Dead or alive. She just needed to find him.

He came home from school the following day looking hopeless. It was all so vivid as if it had happened yesterday.

[-]

 _Chandler entered the large double doors to what he called home. He had nothing, just suspension papers that the school had given him. But that was not what he was scared about._

 _"Chandler!" Nora exclaimed held tightly onto him. "Where have you been?!" She asked._

 _Chandler didn't answer her he just enjoyed the warmth of being in his mother's arms._

 _Daniel heard walked into the foyer with the police in tow. "Chandler Morrison answer your mother," Daniel told Chandler._

 _Anger boiled inside of Chandler, knowing for one this was all Daniels fault, and two for calling him a Morrison. "Don't call me that," he warned pushing his mother away. "I'm not a Morrison and I never will be," Chandler continued harshly and began to walk upstairs._

 _Daniel charged after him and grabbed him by the waist pulled him down stairs. "Now you listen to me, Chandler, you are just a worthless piece of crap that your mother somehow still loves. I don't why she loves you, nobody could ever love someone like you, but she does."_

 _By that point the police were trying to pull Daniel off but his grip on his step son was too strong. "People like you end up like slaves, Chandler."_

[-]

Nora filed for a divorce a month later after Daniel had been tried and found guilty for child abuse, and Chandler went to live with his dad for a while. That duration of had been lonely and miserable. It was only a month after the divorce when she realized that she was pregnant. She couldn't handle a baby but abortion wasn't ok in her opinion.

Her friends who were having trouble conceiving became the adoptive parents. Chandler never found out, thankfully, about his little brother, Caleb. Caleb Chandler Johnson ended up being his full name. The adoptive parents chose the name and they agreed that it was only fair to Nora that he had a piece of his biological brother.

They kept in touch and she still knew Caleb. It had been 14 years and a part of her felt guilty for never telling Chandler. He always said he wanted a sibling. A little brother that he could have fun with and use his older brother rights to protect him. Or a little sister, who's boyfriend's he could beat up if they ever hurt her. By the age 16 he realized it wasn't going to happen but little did he know that it did happen.

A soft knock on the front door snapped her out or reverie. Her butler, Collins, answered. She stayed rooted to spot by the window as Collins spoke to the guest.

"Mrs. Bing, your son is here to see you," Collins said and Nora swung around to be faced by Chandler who looked so broken. The last time she had seen him like this was 14 years ago.

Collins left the room and Nora and Chandler stood in absolute silence. His hands were shoved deep into his pockets and his gaze stayed firmly set on the floor.

Not knowing what to say Nora took the dive into whatever he came to talk about. "Chandler, what's wrong?" She asked stepping towards him.

She saw a tear fall from his eye and land on the floor and panic arouse in her. His slumped shoulders and saddened expression brought back painful memories from his childhood.

Her breath caught in her throat as he look up at her with big sad eyes. The deep sadness took her aback, though. She had never seen anyone so broken.

"I'm a failure," he whispered simply.

Talk about low self-esteem, Nora thought.

Chandler pulled out a yellow piece of paper from his pocket and stretched his arm out to hand it to her. "You need to read this," he said.

Nora took the note from his hand, never breaking the eye contact that she had with him. She unfolded the note and read the words on the page carefully.

He talked about being worthless, unlovable, a mistake. But the worst part was he used past tense.

"Chandler, what is this?" She asked, her hands shaking. The thing was she knew already what it was but she didn't want to believe that it was real.

"You tried to commit suicide didn't you?" She asked when he didn't reply.

He gave a short nod and she gasped, clamping a hand to her mouth. She took in involuntary step away from him.

"I told this to my friends and I'm gonna tell you the same thing. I guess Daniel was right when he said nobody could love me," he said and shrugged.

"Chandler, you and I both know that is not true," Nora said, setting the note down on the coffee table and walking towards him.

"Yes it is," he snapped, "I hurt them, I never talked to them. And now…" He said leaving the sentence hanging.

"And now what?" She asked wondering why he left the sentence unfinished.

His shoulder's slumped in defeat and he gave up. "Now I have to watch them all suffer because I am a selfish little rich boy, whose parents never even cared."

"I cared!" Nora exclaimed. "You are the only thing in this world that I have ever truly loved. And I wish that I had been a better mother, but I swear you are the only thing that I love." She said with so much adoration. She took his face in her hands with tears welling in her eyes.

Vaguely she heard a knock on the door but she kept all of her attention on him.

"Mrs. Bing," Collins interrupted, "Mrs. Johnson is here to drop off Caleb for the weekend." He explained and a pair of people who look totally unrelated walked in.

Nora wiped the tears from her eyes and turned to her guests. "Caleb, I forgot you were coming over. Um, just go drop your bags off and then we'll have some fun," Nora instructed and Caleb did as he was told.

"Thank you for doing this, Nora," Mrs. Johnson said briefly glancing at Chandler. "I am so sorry, who are you?" She asked insensitively which made Nora flinch slightly.

"I'm Chandler," He replied shaking her hand and Mrs. Johnson had a confused expression. "Her son," he explained.

Mrs. Johnson had an uneasy expression on her face. "Oh, I didn't realized you had another son, Nora."

Nora's expression turned into a panic and she shook her head violently, but Chandler had already caught what she said. "What do you mean by another son?" Chandler asked, his voice in a monotone. "Mom?" He asked when he didn't get a reply from either woman.

"Chandler you have way too much to worry about," Nora tried.

"No, I want to know, is Caleb my brother?" Chandler asked, desperate for answers.

Nora turned to Mrs. Johnson. "It's up to you," She whispered.

Mrs. Johnson looked at Chandler who seemed to look a lot like Caleb. Except for having different fathers, they were still brothers. "Yes, Chandler, Caleb is your brother." Chandler felt the air ways in his throat closing.

"I…I…I… need…I can't… I need… to go," Chandler stuttered and made his way to the door of the penthouse.

It wasn't until after Chandler left that the two women noticed Caleb standing speechless on the stairs. "He was my brother?"

[-]

He practically ran home, tears falling down his face. Although nobody cared because of the pouring rain.

His friends were still seated in apartment 19 when he entered. He was soaking wet, eyes red from tears. He looked as if he'd been thrown a curve-ball.

Monica rushed up to him and placed her hands on his shoulder. "Chandler, what's wrong? Talk to me."

He was still speechless about the whole thing, but somehow the words escaped his mouth. The simple words, "I have a brother," somehow made their way past his lips.

"How?" "What?" and "Holy crap!" Came in unison.

"I thought you were an only child," Joey stated.

Chandler nodded fiercely. "I know I did too," he whispered breathlessly.

He made his way over to the couch, and flopped down. "I should have known," he whispered suddenly. "After the incident with my step-father I went to live with my Dad for a year. My Mom said she would call, but she never did. And something changed when I got back. She looked different," Chandler explained.

"Chandler it's gonna be ok," Joey said slapping him on the shoulder.

He began to hyperventilate as the situation became all too real. "I don't wanna feel it, I don't wanna feel the betrayal."

All his friends were at a loss. He already was going though enough, did he really need the bomb of his new brother dropped on him?

Monica jumped at the sound of the knock at the door. Her friends were trying their best to help Chandler so she walked over to the door and flung it open.

A boy who couldn't be older than 14 or 15 stood behind it. "Can I help you?" Monica asked politely.

"Hi, uh, my name is Caleb. I'm looking for Chandler Bing," He said. "He's my brother."

 _AN: I'm so evil. Thank you so much for all the kind reviews. I will admit I cried so much writing the last chapter, but it's Grey's Anatomy's fault. It's what inspired me. Anyway please review and TBC…_


	7. Chapter 7

"Monica, honey, you've gotta stop biting your nails!" Rachel exclaimed as the gang, minus Chandler, sat in her apartment.

Monica looked at her, irritated. She had the right to be a little nervous. Chandler, the man she loves, is in the apartment across from hers trying to make things right with his estranged brother.

"You know what, Rach," Monica said irritably. "I am stressed to the max right now and I would love it if just this once have a national 'Don't Pick on Monica Day.'"

Rachel threw her hands up in defense and sunk back into her chair.

"I don't get it!" Monica exclaimed quickly standing from her place on the couch and began to pace. "Why now? Chandler has enough to deal with, does he really need the stress of getting to know his brother who he just met five minutes ago?!"

"Monica," Rachel said standing up to face her. "Chandler's gonna be fine. Just relax and everything will be fine."

Monica sighed and sat back down onto the white couch. "I'm just worried about him, ok," she said and put her head in her hands.

"We all are, Mon, we all are," Rachel said and wrapped her arms around her shoulders, comfortingly.

The truth was none of them really knew if he was going to be ok. For all they knew Caleb could walk out of Chandler's life just like everyone else seemed to do. His father had, Janice had, and he even walked out on himself. Not literally but figuratively.

"I love him," Monica blurted out and all of them looked up at her, shocked. "I love him," she repeated her eyes filling with tears.

"Mon, how can you be certain of that?" Ross asked gently, trying his best not to hurt her.

She sighed and pulled her lips into a small smile. "When you know, you know."

"Mon, let's be practical here," Ross said softly.

"Ross, you can't change how I feel about him. And if you're afraid that I'm gonna get hurt then you're gonna have to find new friends. Because I will wait for as long as it takes for him to find himself." Monica said and walked into her bedroom, closing the door lightly behind her. Ross wasn't far behind.

"Monica, listen to me," Ross insisted as she collapsed onto her bed with a sigh.

"Look, Ross-"

"He's gonna hurt you," Ross stated bluntly. "It's gonna be too much for him and he's going to leave you."

"Ross, stop," she begged. "He has his problems, sure, but that doesn't mean he doesn't love me." Monica tried but Ross still wasn't convinced.

"I was made for loving him, even if we are both just damage goods, I was made for loving him." She stifled a sob as she continued. "And I don't what to do. I don't know if I should be with him or not, but I know that I love him. And if you have a problem with that then you can leave, Ross."

"Ok, the power of love is obviously stronger than I am," Ross said and Monica smiled, pulling him into a hug.

 _I was made for loving you,  
Even though we may be hopeless hearts just passing through,  
Every bone screaming; I don't know what we should do,  
All I know is, darling, I was made for loving you._

 _(I Was Made For Loving You, Tori Kelly)_

[-]

"Caleb, you shouldn't be here," Chandler said as Caleb made his way into the small apartment.

"I don't care, you're my brother and I'm gonna get to know you," Caleb replied, confidently.

"Caleb-"

"No," he said before Chandler could say anything. "I wanna know my brother and I'm sure you wanna know me. So please, let me in."

 _Let me in._ He never knew that three words could mean so much. He honestly had been dying to hear those words over the months that he was depressed.

"Ok," Chandler whispered, almost unheard. "I'll let you in, as long as you do me a favor." He said softly, but sternly.

"Anything."

"I need you to trust me," Chandler said and Caleb looked at him quizzically. "If you want to know about your birth father then you need to trust me about what I'm going to tell you."

Chandler knew the sad truth about Caleb's birth father and he knew that. But what was so scary?

Giving him a short nod Caleb moved to the couch. He looked down into his hands and wet his lips before returning his gaze to his older brother. "What was he like?" He asked suddenly.

"You're dad?" Chandler asked and Caleb nodded. "Mean," Chandler said simply.

"Mean in the verbal sense or mean in the physical sense?" Caleb asked, fiddling his fingers.

"Both," Chandler replied. "He was abusive, verbally and physically. I couldn't trust him with my mom and I hated him." Chandler continued sharply. "His name was Daniel. Daniel Morrison. Just in case you wanted to know."

Caleb didn't know what to say. It was obvious he was more like Nora than his father. He would never hurt his own wife and child intentionally.

Chandler studied his little brother. He saw traces of Daniel in him, but he was almost a spitting image of their mother. Both he and Chandler had their mother's striking blue eyes. But Caleb had blonde hair and Chandler had brown.

On more than one occasion Nora told Chandler that he look almost exactly like his father, before all the plastic surgery he got. Caleb was the opposite. He looked like their mother, it was scary.

"He sounds horrible," Caleb said sadly and Chandler nodded.

"He was," he whispered.

An odd silence set over the two. It was uncomfortable but comforting at the same time.

"Tell me something, Chandler," Caleb said suddenly and Chandler stared intently at him. "Did you want siblings?"

Chandler smiled genuinely as he nodded in response. It was his Christmas wish every year.

"I wanted one so badly. I wanted a brother, who I could get into fights with or protect if someone tried to hurt them. Or I wanted a sister, whose boyfriend's I could beat up for hurting her," Caleb laughed and Chandler smiled. He was living his dream. "By the age 16 I realized that it wasn't going to happen. But apparently I was wrong," Chandler said gesturing to Caleb.

"Well we both get that now," Caleb said. "Besides I want to be your brother and I want you to be mine."

Chandler nodded. "I wish mom would have told me about you. Then we wouldn't have lost so much time." Chandler said and smiled grimly.

"I wish I knew you too, but we didn't. And now I want nothing more than to just get to know you." Caleb said bluntly. Just like Mom would, Chandler thought.

The two brothers spent hours talking. Not once did the whole failed suicide pop into his mind. Chandler appreciated it actually.

The pair talked about childhoods. Chandler talked a little bit more about Daniel. But when the discussion of friends came up Chandler was taken aback at Caleb's realization that he didn't really have a true friend.

"Caleb, listen you're only in the eighth grade, right?" Chandler asked. "You're not gonna find real friends until you get out of school." Caleb looked dejected, so Chandler did some damage control. "Look, I had no friend's in school. None. Of course at the time I went to an all-male boarding school so my options weren't great." Chandler explained and Caleb looked at him oddly. "Look, what I'm trying to say is wait. I have five fantastic friends. And I love every single one of them, and I know that they love me back." Caleb listened and connected that dots. "You'll get that, too, you just have to be patient."

"Can I meet your friends?" Caleb asked hopefully.

Chandler shrugged. "If you want to. Their pretty weird, just to let you know."

"Ok." Caleb said simply and the duo walked across the hall.

Chandler was going to walk right in but hesitated when he realized that might be awkward considering the circumstances between them. So instead he gingerly knocked on the door.

Caleb noticed his hesitancy and began to have questions. Before he could say anything though, the door swung open and a beautiful brunette stood behind it.

"Hey, Mon," He whispered, his voice full of love.

"Hey, you," she whispered back before she noticed Caleb standing beside Chandler.

"I want you to meet someone," he said never taking his eyes off of Monica.

He knew that they had a lot to talk about, he knew that. But he couldn't resist her soft pink lips that were screaming out to him.

He was aware that Caleb and his friends were bonding but Chandler stood back. He knew in that moment, when he saw his brother bonding with his friends that he was gonna be ok. He forgot the reason why he doubted their love for him. Everyone in the room loved him and he knew that. Even Caleb, and he only knew him for a day. But they already have a brotherly connection.

Monica couldn't help but notice that Chandler was smiling. He was still tired, but he looked happy. He just needed his friends. He needed their support. The months where he was lost he shut himself out, he lost his center. But now that his friends are supporting him and lifting him back up they can help him become who he was.

He was on the brink of death but he found his medicine.

 _I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance,  
Never settle for the path of least resistance  
Living might mean taking chances but they're worth taking,  
Loving' might be a mistake but it's worth making,  
Don't let some hell bent heart leave you bitter,  
When you come close to selling out reconsider,  
Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance,  
And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance. _

_…I hope you dance._

 _(Lee Ann Womack)_

 _AN: I know that this chapter sucks, but I have lost my touch haven't I? Right now I am a total mess, I just listened to 'Butterfly Kisses' and then stupidly went to read the story by BluEyes. I swear sometimes I am so dumb. I know that the wait for this chapter was so long and I would like to apologize for that. There will be one more chapter after this and don't worry Destiny is in the making._


	8. Chapter 8

_All his life he's been told.  
He'll be nothing when he's old.  
All the kicks and all the blows.  
He won't ever let it show._

He became so good at hiding it. It was a second nature for him to lie about his childhood. There's danger in those kinds of plans. You become consumed by your bottled up feelings that it eats you alive. In his case he let that happen. But, still, he never let it show.

His friends knew him as the snarky, sarcastic Chandler. They didn't know that, that was how he hid his pain. When he was being tormented by his own thoughts he would make more snide and sarcastic remarks. Although, to his friends that just meant he was having a good day.

And, though, sometimes that was the case, most times he was covering up what Daniel inflicted on him. He had always pulled him down and made him feel like nothing. He had stripped him of his dignity and pride. And he was only 12.

 _Cause he's stronger than you know  
A heart of steel starts to grow  
When you've been fighting for it all your life  
You've been struggling to make things right  
That's how a superhero learns_ to fly

However when he found a group of five friends who truly cared about him he felt like he was coming home. It was subtle hints that made his scarring past sear his brain further.

He was considered the peacemaker of the group. He would go out of his way to ensure the security of the group. Because for once in his life he felt like he had a family and he didn't want to split the group up.

There was danger to his position, though. When he went out of the way he forgot about how _he_ felt. The self-deprecating jokes were ways to cover up how he felt, but they were also his strongest peace-making tool. In tense situations he had used them to break it. And %99.9 of the time they worked.

But when he finally got to go over the things he had said about himself, he wondered why they had laughed. The jokes were usually about his personality, look, or luck with women. But did his friends laugh because they thought they were true?

That's when the childhood memories came flooding back to him. When he doubted his friends loyalty.

When he failed at his suicide he went into it believing that his friends didn't care. But when he saw the support that they had given him all of his resentment towards them went away. They had pulled him through the woods safely and he came out the other side with hardly a scratch.

They attempt also brought him closer to his friends. They all began to realize that he was soft on the inside once you broke though the tough shell. He was still sarcastic and witty, but he was also kind and generous. He was willing to give you anything he possibly could.

Monica was the one who brought it out in him. She made his face light up every time she entered the room. She gave him the look of dedication, trust and love. She had been the one who vowed to stay by his side no matter what anyone said.

They made each other happy.

That was his medicine.

But he became addicted.

He placed a wedding ring on her finger and never checked into rehab.

 _AN: I always intended for this to be short because it was just filling in the blanks and giving the characters happy endings. If you have any questions feel free to PM me or leave a review._

 _So apparently there was some confusion last chapter that Caleb was really old. I read through it and I tried to make more sense out of it._

 _Anyway thank you for reading this I really appreciate it. And don't worry I'm doing my best with Destiny._

 _~Liv_


End file.
